TODDLER TROUBLE (Zenobi Software) Spectrum 48K/128K+2 The Daily Expatiator 31st October 1996 Ante-Natal Shock Elvis Lives by T. Turnip by BLAIR UNDERWEAR, legal correspondent. In a shock announcement to the The latest in a long series of shocks to extraordinaire, Small Daniels strike our cosy little town claims that, "I was recently is the news that the local ante- offered a post doing all natal clinic, run by Mr. Joe magical tricks of the King. McElpful, has been charging While he plays his "guitar" and exorbitant rates for its services sings his melodious songs, I am unbeknown to the mothers that to perform various feats of have enrolled there. Ms. Susan magic. It is an honour to serve Brief, the editor of this famed under such a man. He's a living newspaper, is among one of the legend." unsuspecting women who have fallen victim to McElpful's Mr. Daniels, who was scheme. Nurse Aphrodite recently promoted to the Turnip, an employee of the clinic, hallowed rank of sorcerer, told told the Expatiator that, "Such a our reporter that Elvis is now notion is balderdash. Mr. living at Graceland Avenue, McElpful is a very respectable Upper Kissing. An man and he would never do such investigation is in progress. a thing." We shall leave that up to you, as the reader, to decide. Serpents by Ophelia In legal terms, it is unfortunate that the mothers who have been "Ophelia's Ophidian Opera" has re-opened in "taken for a ride" - the words of Mrs. N. Upper Kissing. Everyone is welcome to visit Mansell - don't have a leg to stand on. This is the wonderful snakes. It's perfectly safe. Free unfortunate as Mr. L. Lawley, the solicitor on stuffed python given to all kids. behalf of the MAROM (Mothers Against Rip- Off Merchants) has explained, "They all signed contracts, but I can assure you that I will use all Mutiny! by Dr. Jamie Catchpole my resources to ensure that they are A chronicle of the mutiny which compensated. It would not be the first time that occurred aboard the writer's great-great- I have performed miracles." Mr. Lawley is grandfather's ship - the Inferno - 142 years renowned in The Jig and Thistle for drinking ago has been unearthed. It is available for ten pints of Carlsberg in under an hour. public inspection at the Kissing Book Society. Global Roundness by Fred Brief New Tea-Room by Dethby Poysin I recently chatted to Professor Aristotle Lady Matilda Hodgkins has opened a Popodopolis of the University of Athens. He new tea-room in our town. It is believed that it explained to me that the world is round because will attract a great range of up-market that's the way it was created. My geography customers although ordinary, run-of-the-mill teacher (who can't be named for legal reasons - townsfolk are most welcome. The Violator of Ed.) was so shocked that she "downed" a basin Vindaloo herself told us, "I plan to use my own of coffee and hasn't been seen since. I just buns and rock-cakes to enhance the teas." We thought I'd let you all know the truth. By the will keep you informed -in the obituaries. way, I love you, Abigail, if you're out there! Kevin, Julia Briefs precious toddler, followed her into the Ante-Natal Clinic on the "Zikov Kiddie-Leash" that she had recently invested in. Not only would it keep him at arms length, but it would stop him from straying. Julia was settling her account from two years prior to that date. Recently she had - for a second time - left her husband Pete, since he had returned to his incorrigible habits. She was, therefore, forced to work seven part-time jobs in order to repay her debt. She was not particularly devoted to Pete by that stage. "I have a cheque for £2,500 here to pay for ante-natal fees from 1994," Julia told Nurse Aphrodite, now employed by Kissing Private Health. "Eh?" said the nurse. "Bit late, ain't it, Mrs. Grief?" Julia pointed out that her surname was Brief and Aphrodite continued, "Okay, that's fair 'nuff, but be a bit quicker next time." "Sorry, Aph. I only had two years of scrimping and saving," she told her amnesiac friend who seemed to have not only forgotten how to zip up her uniform (it was the wrong way round too), but also Julia. While Julia was pondering her friend's sorry state, her cheeky lad had gnawed through the leash. "That's what Calcium Supplements does to kids teeth," remarked the bouncer who stood at the door. "There's no substitute for good old breast milk." Julia tended to agree, but by the time that she realised exactly what the heck the bouncer had been talking about, her son had rushed past the bouncer, making a raspberry sound on his way. Julia ground her teeth as she saw Kevin disappear out the door with the red "neverend" lollipop that she had given him to shut his gob. Nothing for it but to find him! Julia had known from the very first moment she had laid eyes on Kevin (in the Maternity Ward of Kissing General Hospital in the Summer of 1994) that he would doubtlessly give her no end of ... TODDLER TROUBLE This game - a Brief Tale - is a sequel to For Pete's Sake and Labour Pains and, though there is no need to have played the previous games beforehand, it may actually help. Toddler Trouble consists of two parts, the second of which is accessed by a password provided at the end of the first. Normal adventuring commands apply to this game, but if you are in any doubt VOCAB and INFO will provide you with further information. You will benefit immensely from conversing with the various characters you meet throughout the game and this can be facilitated by typing the character's name followed by the query or command; eg. APHRODITE TELL ME ABOUT THE BOUNCER.