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Good evening. Tonight on the The Political Section Live, I'll be discussing the latest government legislation with the man responsible, the new Prime Minister, Mr Martijn van der Heide. Good evening Mr van der Heide.
Good evening Bob.
It's Brian, actually. Now, Mr van der Heide...
Please.. Call me Martijn, Bill.
Ahem. Brian.. Now, some have been saying that this was the most controversial tax in history. How do your respond to that claim, Martijn?
Well, Paul, can I just start by saying that my legislation was designed to get to the root of some of the biggest problems affecting this country. For example, my policies on Schools.
Ah yes. Where you say that every school should have access to the internet, providing that all of these machines have the homepage, and correct me if I'm wrong here, http://www.worldofspectrum.org?
That's right, Stuart. I don't really think it's all that much of a demand?
Yes, but... That's your homepage, isn't it? The World Of Spectrum?
Yes. That's right David. All hail to the Spectrum!
Hmm.. Now, Martijn.. Some of your critics say that you're a little on the young side to have been given such a massive responsibility, and that - just perhaps - you haven't taken it as seriously as you should? I mean, you are only 29. Don't you think that, just perhaps, some of your other interests may have caused a slight conflict here?
Oh, I don't know about that Rodger. I mean, yes, I may own and run the largest Sinclair resource on the Internet, the World of Spectrum (or WOS to regular visitors), but no. I think I've treated it seriously.
Hmm.. Which brings me to your new rules stating that all ZX Spectrum owners will not be taxed at all, for anything. Fair?
Well, Simon, I like to think of myself as just being a regular person. Just an average joe. I tried to come up with something that the average person would appreciate. And while those who may be of a particular group, as it were, may come out of it a little better, I don't think it's at all unfair.
And this sub-clause that all those whose first spectrum was a 16K rubber will receive money? How do you explain that?
Well, Arthur, I'm afraid that was my first Spectrum, so I showed a litte more favour to those like me. Not asking too much, I think.
This is outrageous! And this one here where the authors of "Knight Lore" are to be given knighthoods? I don't believe you even have the right to grant that, do you?
Hey, Richard, I run this country. I decide what's going to happen. Anyway, Knight Lore was my first and favourite game, so I think the programmers deserve a little something in return. Of course, I have ordered that they release the spectrum version of Solar Jetman immediately, or face summary and public execution.
Can we get some security in here please?
And it doesn't end there Susan. Oh no! I have issued orders that Sir Clive Sinclair is to be given the title of All Mighty Lord Sinclair, and that his every wish shall be granted. Oh, what a glorious nation it will be! And it shall be compulsary for every home to own at least one guinea pig, cos they're lovely and cute with their little noses all twichy and, and...
[all hell breaks loose as large security men pounce]
Arrgh!! Get off me... I know what's going on here.. You're all C64 owners! Well, you're too late I tell you! I've issued commands for every C64 to be sought out and destroyed - smashed to pieces. You're all doomed! Doomed!! Hahahahahahahahah - OOF!
Ladies and gentlemen. Our country is in the hands of a maniac. If you have any sense, you will get the hell out of here, and go somewhere with a little more sanity. Just make sure you don't try and get there before me. I'm off!
Martijn van der Heide - mheide@-n-o-_s-p-a-m-worldofspectrum.org- http://www.worldofspectrum.org
Hello readers, Gerard here... I realise this one probably isn't terribly amusing (sorry), but just to say that Martijn is the absolute GEM who came to my rescue when Geocities pulled the WWW page. I cannot thank him enough. In fact [sniff!]... I think I may have to have a moment here to compose myself....
Aside from being the saviour of this WWW page, Martijn is also the clever bod behind the search engine based on this here catalogue, and you really should go visit his page tout suite. Oh, and Martijn. Sorry I didn't include some of the details you gave me. I couldn't think of any way of working them in (fnar! And why not just list them anyway? Ed)
Oh. Alright. Let the record show that on the afternoon of January the 22nd, in the year of our Lord 1998, Martijn van der Heide did respond thusly...
1st speccy: 16K rubber (I can confirm that it's NOT chewing gum :-D
I got it in 1983 (after I blew my ZX81 *snif*) for my 14th birthday.
Proudest speccy moment/achievement: Not sure. Either my very first SpeedLock 1 hack (1985, without even a decent disassembler!) or seeing my first Spectrum network up and running (1984, software/hardware project)
Worst speccy moment? Writing my very first demo. It took almost 2 weeks as everything had to be edited into memory (no assembler....), I never saved in between and when it was finally ready and I wanted to show off to everyone, the machine lost power and the demo was down the drain. This was also my LAST demo ever...... :-)